When Events of Society Trigger Trauma.

The process of healing from trauma quite often involves revisiting past experiences. It takes a trained professional in most cases to help us navigate this process. We learn new skills and techniques to deal with the pain that was caused us. We first learn to admit there is pain. We learn how unregulated our nervous system became because of the abuse and trauma. We grow to understand that if we don’t learn to regulate our nervous system, it will physically affect us adversely.

Healing from trauma also includes implementing strategies for when trauma is triggered. It is important to understand a few things before I talk about strategies for when trauma is triggered by events of society. I mentioned before, healing from trauma and abuse is hard, long work. When a trigger happens, it can feel like we are starting all over again. That is not the truth in reality but it can feel like it. Over the past couple of weeks, events surrounding exposing abuse in some religious organizations have triggered trauma for me. I grew up in church and decided at a very young age that I wanted to live for Jesus. I still claim this today but it looks very different. Sharing the abuse and my healing from it came with the discovery that people in the church are quick to support my abusers rather than me, the victim. Not everyone responds this way but a good many do.

I think the worst response comes from a few who know me and my abusers. They try to show support to me but also try to “guide” me to focus on forgiveness and reconciliation with my abusers. It doesn’t seem to matter how many conversations we have about the harm and damage that was done, the arduous process of healing, and the attempts to reconcile that have already been made but failed; they don’t change their response nor try to understand how harmful and less than helpful their response is.

I believe the evil of abuse needs a bold response to the abused and a bold response to the abuser. The response to the abused needs to be complete attention, support and a helping hand to find professionals to guide them through the healing process. The response to the abuser needs to be an escort to authorities if there is a crime involved and/or to professional counselors and programs. Any response other than this is not a victim centered response. When someone provides support to someone whom they know has perpetrated abuse, they further victimize the victim. In the victim's eyes they have aligned themselves with the abuser who has caused the deepest pain imaginable. Those who support abusers have become complicit in the abuse. This extends to those who support leaders of ministries who have covered up abuse. If you know leaders have covered up abuse, have been confronted about the cover up but take little to no accountability for it; meaning they make excuses for it and try to convince you they "did the best they could"; if you still listen to these leaders and support their ministry, you have become complicit in their coverup.

I understand that sounds harsh but what I hope those who are complicit hear is that our response to abuse has to be zero tolerance. The response to abuse has to be victim centered. This has not been the response so the evil continues. Perpetrators are supported by being moved to other churches; their behavior covered up and kept in secret as they are promoted in ministries publicly. All of this happens while the victims are silenced and told things like, “He’ll never do anything like that again.”, “You cannot speak against God’s anointed.”, "He is the most Godly man I have ever known."

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and trauma, I can tell you first hand that the response matters greatly. It has taken me years to find the courage to be in this place where I can say these things with confidence and without fear of offending others. My peace is worth more than the offense.

I mentioned earlier that leaders in ministry and their coverup of abuse being exposed recently is what has contributed to my trigger of trauma. There are some close to me supporting these leaders. This grieves my heart. Healing from trauma can be a very lonely road. I want to inspire more people to learn how to support those of us wounded by abuse and trauma. However, I find this is a difficult task. I don’t know why people don’t seem to want to believe the damage that is done even after it is articulated to them. I don’t know why they want to minimize the abusers behavior and try to restore the abuser but turn away from the victim. Again, this is not everyone, thank goodness, but there are enough so that attention needs to be brought to this behavior.

When events of society trigger trauma, this is what I choose to do:

1. I have to determine boundaries that will be put in place and the level of access others who are complicit will have to me.

2. I will not be complicit. While I am not a direct victim of these leaders or the abuser they are covering for, I am a survivor and know all too well the pain of those victims. I know what those victims need to feel supported if they have any chance of successful recovery and healing and it is not for me to be complicit.

3. I reach out to my support system to process the trigger and explore what I can learn what further healing is needed.

I see great potential in those of us who have chosen to heal from abuse and trauma. We are resilient, persevering, strong and courageous. If we do not stay in a victim mentality, we can become a force to reckon with against this evil that is abuse. This is what inspires me. This is the vision I have for our future. In my next post, I want to share more about what it should look like to hold abusers accountable.

Choosing healing together!